39:20...

well, i ran my race. i have to say it was not at all what i expected!!! this whole time i've been training i have had it in my mind that all this practice and all this hard work was going to make for an easy run today. boy was i wrong!! it was really hard... i had to fight for every bit of that run this morning.
i started off feeling pretty excited. everyone was pumped up and super happy to be out there. there were high fives and shouts of encouragement all along the start. then of course the crazy runners broke off and the walkers and beginners started to move into their pace. britt kept asking me if i was ok and i thought that i was but i got tired pretty quickly.
we rounded the first corner and i realized that i was breathing pretty hard and i was pooped. britt was getting frustrated because i was going rather slow. he said that it was slower than our usual pace and i immediately got upset. i then could not calm myself down to save my life.
then came the worst thing ever... HILLS! the guy that told me about this event was specific that there was no hills. BULL SHIT! there was one that lasted for almost a quarter mile. it sucked.

the first time i ran the 5k in training, i panicked for several reasons. 1-it was a blind run. once i got past the half way point and realized that i have worked so hard and now have to go back i totally freaked out. 2-i couldn't find a rhythm. 3-no matter what britt said to me to try to get me thru it i took it as an attack and i just wanted to fight him. 4-my emotions got the best of me and i couldn't rationalize anything. all the above lead to me just fatiguing way too fast and having to struggle thru the whole thing.
this morning i did the exact same thing. i was lost cuz there were no mile markers. i had no clue where i was or how far i had to go. the course map was not laid out so great at registration so i didn't know what to expect. my mind kept playing tricks on me and i had trouble focusing. once that set in, i couldn't listen to britt. i knew he was frustrated and everything he said to me was the wrong thing... that's not fair to him cuz he was trying so hard to lift me up. (sorry babe!!)
all in all, the hardest part was all mental!
so where does this leave me? well, i crossed the finish line. i pushed all the way even though my legs felt like they weren't moving. 39:20... my best time yet. hills and all i made it across that line with an acceptable time.
4 months ago when i began this journey i would have never thought that i could do this. 4 months ago i was worried about increasing my intervals to 5 min let alone running for 39:20. 4 months ago i didn't know what it meant to push myself through fatigue and mental ambush to finish something that not everybody can do. what were my reasons for doing this? oh ya, because i can... well today, i did...
here's to the next opportunity!!!