back in action...

sorry run31 fans... those intense storms this week thru my Internet for a loop. to answer every one's questions... yes, i've been running all week, just as scheduled. it's funny that i wasn't able to blog this week because this has truly been the hardest week so far...
tues was very difficult for me. it seemed as though everything was distracting me and frustrating me. i didn't have any of the energy i had last week and i was even annoyed with the process/breakdown.
thursday i was bogged down. i met with my trainer that day and she could tell things were off. she said i looked beat down and i was. it was very difficult for me to separate the run from the other stuff on my mind. it just seemed like one more thing that i was going to fail at... she talked thru my whole run. my pace was better starting off but as i entered into my last interval i could feel the weight of everything i was carrying with me just pulling me back and welling up inside. i'm not sure if any of you have ever experienced it, but i started crying. my body couldn't fight it... i just let it out. the harder i fought the harder my run was... i wanted to quit.
my trainer then started to say all the things to me that i was saying to myself in my head... "you can't do this", "you're not good enough", "you're to big", "no one thinks you can get this done, so why try"... as i listened to it, i realized how much of a lie all of that was. i WAS doing it, i am good enough... and i'm worth the effort and energy...
i started to open up my posture, my shoulders went back and i started running against the opposition... i felt alive!!!
there's nothing more defeating than all the bull-shit i tell myself on a regular basis. i started this journey to get to know me better and to find out what i'm capable of. i know i can do so much more than what i give myself credit for. why do i hold myself back... well in that moment i was able to let go and run. how simple...
this week was not about my body... it was completely mental and overcoming the lies that i have lived by. each day is a reminder to believe in myself... at what point in life to we have to remind ourselves to believe???